Standing Strong Together

My blog has been a little quiet because all has been quiet on the eastern front. Even though a new red spot has formed along the scar line on my left breast, I am not too worried. A lonely, clear stitch has been left behind and I think it may have caused said bump. OR, I am fighting off a cold (or allergies, not sure which) so it may be just my immune system fighting everything and anything it can find. Other than that I think my scars are healing nicely. I am still a bit sore, but I know that will last for quite some time.

I am going to use this blog post as an opportunity to make you all aware of some new things that I've come across recently.

• Remember that bra store I was RAVING about a couple posts back? Well, they are doing something kinda awesome. Intimacy is running "Bras for a Cause." Every Intimacy store is accepting gently used bras for donation. They then pass on the bras to women all over the world who desperately need them. I think this is a great idea, especially for me since I have a couple of newer bras that I no longer fit in to since my surgery. It's great that I can donate them to women in need and not have to throw them away. And as a special bonus, Intimacy gives you $10 off each new bra you buy for every bra you donate (up to 3 bras).
• An amazing young breast cancer blogger, Ashley Blair Doyle, posted information about the website, Army of Women. This website offers breast cancer patients and survivors the opportunity to partner with research scientists to move breast cancer beyond a cure. They are looking for volunteers with or without breast cancer to help out. Peruse the site and see what you think. Volunteer if you like. I know I already signed up!
  

So that is the end of my advertisements and shout outs. I feel strongly about certain organizations and causes so if any of these opportunities tickle your fancy, please don't hesitate to help out.  No act of kindness is too small because it could mean the world to someone else.

- J.

Chest Depth Perception

There is one thing you all should probably know about me - I have an awful sense of depth perception. I am pretty sure I've just coasted by when it comes to parking by closing my eyes and praying. Sure I've scraped a couple of cars/garages but no one has been injured as of yet.

Now that I am basically a cup and a half bigger, my chest depth perception is completely off and I feel ridiculous as I bump into people and inanimate objects with my boobs.

For example -

• I was in a workshop, sitting in a row, when I had to use the bathroom. I hate making a scene so I held it as long as possible. Once I came to the point of bursting, I stood up (stupid me sat all the way on the inside of the row) and I excused myself. I had made it all the way to the end of the row and when I turned my left boob smacked a poor unassuming man in the back of his head. I apologized and hoped it didn't hurt too much since I didn't feel a thing. 
• When moving to my new apartment, I kept standing too close to Kevin and he would elbow me in the chest when he picked stuff up. This happened way more than it should have. I still don't think I learned my lesson about standing too close to people (I can be quite the creep when I want to be).
• I can also take turns a little too close. When leaving a room I sometimes smack the door frame. I've always been a fan of making tight turns around corners, but perhaps no more. I feel like a dog wearing one of those cone surgical collars. It's always so funny when a dog tries to take a corner wearing one of those. I can only hope that I am as amusing when I do it.

I have at least learned to protect my boobies in crowded situations. I don't care how silly I look as I hold my arms up to my chest! I will protect them at all costs.

-J.

Creative Cups!

My coworkers and I have decided to enter a bra in to the Creative Cups fundraising project.

Creative Cups?! you ask. It's this great fundraising event that supports Adelphi's breast cancer support hotline. One can enter and then decorate a bra however you like! The bra can portray how you conquered cancer. It can be in support of someone. It can be in memory of someone. Whatever your little creative heart desires!

I was inspired recently and came up with a great theme for our bra. I am so excited to design and create it. The bras are put on display and auctioned off at a gala reception in March.




If you want more info about Creative Cups, or if you want to sign up, go HERE. Let your creative side shine in support of a great breast cancer support program!

- J.

To Nip or not to Nip

OK, so bear with me on this post... I'm going to be discussing nipple reconstruction.

I have an appointment with Dr. Spiro in a couple of weeks and he is going to ask me if I want nipple reconstruction. I know that he highly recommends it and he thinks I will feel great after it, but I just don't know. Even thinking about getting new nipples seems completely ridiculous to me.

First off, let's all be honest with ourselves here, regular nipples are freaking weird! Why would I want fake weird nipples on me? Secondly, (here comes some tmi info) my nipples were the cutest things ever and can never be replicated to my high nipple standards. Thirdly, I will never have to worry about headlights trying to poke through my shirt ever again! Ha!

Now, don't get me wrong, if I felt incomplete or that the new nips would make me feel better, I'd do it in a heart beat. But as I stated before, my scars are pretty badass so why would I cover them up with weird new nips? Yes, I will admit that I sometimes glance at my reflection in the mirror and have to do a double take since something looks "off" for a moment, but it's no big deal.

I am interested to see what Dr. Spiro will say on behalf of nipple reconstruction. I hope he doesn't try to push new nips too hard. I can't be swayed. For now.

Oh, and PS, I am back to being a commuter, and yes that's me in the train station during rush hour protecting my boobies. It looks like I am trying to set a basketball pick. Please everyone, be careful of my poor boobies!

- J.

Lessons Learned Pt1

I figure I will learn many new boob lessons as I navigate through life with my new implants / reconstructed chest. For example, I've learned two new things this past week -

1. Sleeping on an air mattress with already kinda hard implants is less than fun and quite uncomfortable.  Don't try to sleep on your side. It just won't work.
2. Trying to close windows kinda hurts.  You know those windows that you pull down and then latch at the top?  I can get them to go all the way down, but then when I really need to slam down on them to make them stick, that part hurts. And it may not be so much a hurt thing, but the way my muscle moves for that action is just very, very unpleasant.

So there are my first phase of lessons learned with my new boobies. I am sure I will have more to add as my life goes on.

My exercising has been going slowly but surely. Running has been a bit of a challenge so I try to break it up with gym time. I haven't started lifting weights yet because that thought just paralyzes me with fear. Everyone says to start off light with 2 pound weights, but that still sounds scary. I have to be mentally ready before I am actually physically ready.

I also can't believe I've got to that point where I complain about working out. Wasn't it just posts ago where I was complaining about NOT working out?! Someone on the Inspire website that I frequent made quite a motivational statement. She said she just did not feel like working out but then "made a deal with myself to do it anyway, and carry the strength for another cancer patient who couldn't...it kept me going." I found that statement to be so motivational and I will keep that with me for those moments when I just don't feel like working out.

So with that... I'm off for a run!

- J.

Reccuring Dream

I've always heard about the reccuring "pantless" dream. You know the one right? Where you leave the house with no pants on and either people notice or don't notice and either you care or don't care. There are obviously many different interpretations of this dream depending on your emotions during it.

I've never had this so-called "pantless" dream. But as of recently, I've been having an "out in public whilst shirtless / braless" recurring dream. I'm in a different arena each time. Once I was at a pool, once I was at the mall, once I was at work. My emotions during the dream are different each time. When I was at the pool I didn't care and had a whatever attitude. When I was at the mall I was ashamed and tried to cover myself up. In all of the dreams I've had my double mast with the reconstruction and my scars are prominently on display. No dreams have been with my old boobies (though that would be nice).

Obviously my new boobs have been consuming my thoughts... and now they are consuming my dreams!!

- J.

Putting my New Boobs to the Test

This past Friday I went to see Dr. Blackwood in the morning. Like I said before, I couldn't wait to show her the new implants. She was very impressed and thought they looked great. She said I was healing well and everything was going according to plan.

She taught me how to do a self examination. It's basically the same from what I was doing before, but this time around I need to make sure I feel the implant and that it is nice and smooth. I don't want to feel any lumps or anything else that may be funky. She spoke to me a bit about my eating habits. She's a big fan of salmon, almonds, fruits (especially blueberries), mostly things that one eats when trying to be a healthy little eater. But with that healthy eating, there should be NO soy products. Soy = estrogen, and we all know how bad estrogen is for someone like me.

Also, NO multivitamins! Multivitamins help cancer become strong. She explained that cancer is lazy, and when you take multivitamins the nutrients go straight into the bloodstream where cancer can grab them and become stronger. I need to get my vitamins from food sources, which I think is a good idea. I never took multivits anyway, so now I don't feel as bad about that.

My next appointment with Dr. Blackwood is in a year! Woo! She wants me to make my very much delayed OB/GYN appointment and to also meet with an Endocrinologist about my vitamin D deficiency. So, I still have doc appointments in the future, just none with my breast surgeon.

After my appointment I put my new boobs to the test. I had a wedding to attend in the city at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. I planned to wear a strapless dress and just feel all around fabulous. Well, mission accomplished!

This was the first time I wore something really nice with my new boobs and I felt fantastic! Now, I know Dr. Spiro said I could freeball it for a couple of hours if I wanted, but I just didn't feel comfortable enough to do so. I wore a strapless bra and I am glad I did. I felt protected, and I also had this crazy fear that if my strapless dress fell a bit I would be blissfully unaware because of my numb boobies. Well, my boobies did their job, held up my dress perfectly and just made me feel super great.

I was even able to perform my "famous" elbow dance with the knowledge that my boobs would not go rogue or be uncomfortable.

They certainly passed their first real test. Even though these new boobs still don't totally feel like mine, they are definitely "growing on me." Yuck-yuck.






- J.