Monday, December 31, 2012

Good Riddance 2012!

I can't say I'll miss ya 2012, you weren't too kind to me.

No, no, I don't want to beat up all of 2012. For what it's worth, 2012 wasn't THAT bad. Sure I found out I had breast cancer. Sure I lost my awesome boobies. Sure my anxiety was at an all time high. But once that was all over, it was actually quite pleasant.

I still can't get over the fact that I am ending 2012 with a new rack. I never, in my wildest imagination, believed this would happen at such an early age. But it did. I dealt with it, took care of it, and I am still here to tell the tale.

Like I've said before, I am still hyper-aware of my implants. They still bother me. They still get in my way. They will never look quite "right." I can't get any damn cleavage to show off. I am still frightened of people bumping in to them. Buuuuuut, these pesky implants do have some "perks" (heh). They are a bit bigger than my previous pair. They will forever be perky. They have some pretty kickass scars. They don't have any nips. And if I fall overboard I have my own built in life preserver (this theory has yet to be tested out).

So 2012, to you I say adieu! I am excited for what 2013 has in store for me. I have concerts to rock out to. I have vacations where I can relax. I have a wedding to plan. And much, much more. You may have knocked me down for a couple of months breast cancer, but I just got right back up. You may have altered my body a bit breast cancer, but I will use it to my advantage. Don't think you got the best of me breast cancer, because you didn't, and you never will.

Happy New Year to all!

- J.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Share My Road

December 27, 2011.

I can't believe it's been a year. I can't believe it's been a year from the day my body gave me the wake up call that I just couldn't ignore. After ignoring the clear discharge for months on end, it decided to smack me across the face. "Don't ignore me any longer!" It shouted to me. It turned bloody and I could no longer ignore what I kept deeming, "just a normal discharge." I made an appointment that day for a mammogram and ultrasound. I still find it absolutely crazy that after I was officially diagnosed with breast cancer the discharge just stopped. What was up with that?! Seriously. Is that something that happens? Did my body say, "Hey, thanks for listening ass. Now take care of me." I'll never ignore you again body! I swear!

Some days the year feels like it flew by. Other days it seems like it crawled. I've been thinking about this time last year more than ever as the one year anniversary of my diagnosis approaches. I think about going to different doctor appointments, wondering if I was OK. I think about that exact moment in time when I was told I had breast cancer and I begin to tear up all over again. I think about telling my friends and family about my diagnosis when I couldn't even believe it myself. I also remember everyone being strong for me when I needed that the most.

You've all been following my journey for a year and I thank you every day for your support. I couldn't have done it without all of you in my own personal cheering section. I still feel overwhelmed by my diagnosis, even though I've been stamped CANCER FREE. It's only been a year. Only a year. And yet so many things have changed. I started the year with a breast cancer diagnosis and I end the year breast cancer free. I started the year with my own breasts. Now I have these implants on my chest that I still need to get used to. I am still so hyper-aware of my implants and I hope that fades over time. I know it will. Or at least I hope it will.

My emotions are running wild as I am able to reflect on this time last year knowing what I know now. Last year I was just on auto pilot as I fought hard to regain my health and kick breast cancer outta my life. I didn't know what was in store for me, and technically I still don't, but what I do know is that I fought my hardest and had the most amazing people by my side.

- J.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Finding Humor...

I have a much lengthier post coming up on the horizon, but I had to post this for a laugh.

A friend of mine sent this to me (holla!) via email and I got quite a kick out of it.  It's nice being able to find the humor in my situation, and with my one year anniversary of my diagnosis coming up, I could use some laughs.  Technically things didn't start to "go down" until December 27th, but I can feel all the emotions beginning to start.

More to come, but for now, lets all have a laugh.

- J.