Thursday, August 30, 2012

Creative Cups!

My coworkers and I have decided to enter a bra in to the Creative Cups fundraising project.

Creative Cups?! you ask. It's this great fundraising event that supports Adelphi's breast cancer support hotline. One can enter and then decorate a bra however you like! The bra can portray how you conquered cancer. It can be in support of someone. It can be in memory of someone. Whatever your little creative heart desires!

I was inspired recently and came up with a great theme for our bra. I am so excited to design and create it. The bras are put on display and auctioned off at a gala reception in March.

If you want more info about Creative Cups, or if you want to sign up, go HERE. Let your creative side shine in support of a great breast cancer support program!

- J.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

To Nip or not to Nip

OK, so bear with me on this post... I'm going to be discussing nipple reconstruction.

I have an appointment with Dr. Spiro in a couple of weeks and he is going to ask me if I want nipple reconstruction. I know that he highly recommends it and he thinks I will feel great after it, but I just don't know. Even thinking about getting new nipples seems completely ridiculous to me.

First off, let's all be honest with ourselves here, regular nipples are freaking weird! Why would I want fake weird nipples on me? Secondly, (here comes some tmi info) my nipples were the cutest things ever and can never be replicated to my high nipple standards. Thirdly, I will never have to worry about headlights trying to poke through my shirt ever again! Ha!

Now, don't get me wrong, if I felt incomplete or that the new nips would make me feel better, I'd do it in a heart beat. But as I stated before, my scars are pretty badass so why would I cover them up with weird new nips? Yes, I will admit that I sometimes glance at my reflection in the mirror and have to do a double take since something looks "off" for a moment, but it's no big deal.

I am interested to see what Dr. Spiro will say on behalf of nipple reconstruction. I hope he doesn't try to push new nips too hard. I can't be swayed. For now.

Oh, and PS, I am back to being a commuter, and yes that's me in the train station during rush hour protecting my boobies. It looks like I am trying to set a basketball pick. Please everyone, be careful of my poor boobies!

- J.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Lessons Learned Pt1

I figure I will learn many new boob lessons as I navigate through life with my new implants / reconstructed chest. For example, I've learned two new things this past week -
  1. Sleeping on an air mattress with already kinda hard implants is less than fun and quite uncomfortable.  Don't try to sleep on your side. It just won't work.
  2. Trying to close windows kinda hurts.  You know those windows that you pull down and then latch at the top?  I can get them to go all the way down, but then when I really need to slam down on them to make them stick, that part hurts. And it may not be so much a hurt thing, but the way my muscle moves for that action is just very, very unpleasant.
So there are my first phase of lessons learned with my new boobies. I am sure I will have more to add as my life goes on.

My exercising has been going slowly but surely. Running has been a bit of a challenge so I try to break it up with gym time. I haven't started lifting weights yet because that thought just paralyzes me with fear. Everyone says to start off light with 2 pound weights, but that still sounds scary. I have to be mentally ready before I am actually physically ready.

I also can't believe I've got to that point where I complain about working out. Wasn't it just posts ago where I was complaining about NOT working out?! Someone on the Inspire website that I frequent made quite a motivational statement. She said she just did not feel like working out but then "made a deal with myself to do it anyway, and carry the strength for another cancer patient who couldn' kept me going." I found that statement to be so motivational and I will keep that with me for those moments when I just don't feel like working out.

So with that... I'm off for a run!

- J.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Reccuring Dream

I've always heard about the reccuring "pantless" dream. You know the one right? Where you leave the house with no pants on and either people notice or don't notice and either you care or don't care. There are obviously many different interpretations of this dream depending on your emotions during it.

I've never had this so-called "pantless" dream. But as of recently, I've been having an "out in public whilst shirtless / braless" recurring dream. I'm in a different arena each time. Once I was at a pool, once I was at the mall, once I was at work. My emotions during the dream are different each time. When I was at the pool I didn't care and had a whatever attitude. When I was at the mall I was ashamed and tried to cover myself up. In all of the dreams I've had my double mast with the reconstruction and my scars are prominently on display. No dreams have been with my old boobies (though that would be nice).

Obviously my new boobs have been consuming my thoughts... and now they are consuming my dreams!!

- J.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Putting my New Boobs to the Test

This past Friday I went to see Dr. Blackwood in the morning. Like I said before, I couldn't wait to show her the new implants. She was very impressed and thought they looked great. She said I was healing well and everything was going according to plan.

She taught me how to do a self examination. It's basically the same from what I was doing before, but this time around I need to make sure I feel the implant and that it is nice and smooth. I don't want to feel any lumps or anything else that may be funky. She spoke to me a bit about my eating habits. She's a big fan of salmon, almonds, fruits (especially blueberries), mostly things that one eats when trying to be a healthy little eater. But with that healthy eating, there should be NO soy products. Soy = estrogen, and we all know how bad estrogen is for someone like me.

Also, NO multivitamins! Multivitamins help cancer become strong. She explained that cancer is lazy, and when you take multivitamins the nutrients go straight into the bloodstream where cancer can grab them and become stronger. I need to get my vitamins from food sources, which I think is a good idea. I never took multivits anyway, so now I don't feel as bad about that.

My next appointment with Dr. Blackwood is in a year! Woo! She wants me to make my very much delayed OB/GYN appointment and to also meet with an Endocrinologist about my vitamin D deficiency. So, I still have doc appointments in the future, just none with my breast surgeon.

After my appointment I put my new boobs to the test. I had a wedding to attend in the city at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. I planned to wear a strapless dress and just feel all around fabulous. Well, mission accomplished!

This was the first time I wore something really nice with my new boobs and I felt fantastic! Now, I know Dr. Spiro said I could freeball it for a couple of hours if I wanted, but I just didn't feel comfortable enough to do so. I wore a strapless bra and I am glad I did. I felt protected, and I also had this crazy fear that if my strapless dress fell a bit I would be blissfully unaware because of my numb boobies. Well, my boobies did their job, held up my dress perfectly and just made me feel super great.

I was even able to perform my "famous" elbow dance with the knowledge that my boobs would not go rogue or be uncomfortable.

They certainly passed their first real test. Even though these new boobs still don't totally feel like mine, they are definitely "growing on me." Yuck-yuck.

- J.