Lessons Learned Pt1

I figure I will learn many new boob lessons as I navigate through life with my new implants / reconstructed chest. For example, I've learned two new things this past week -

1. Sleeping on an air mattress with already kinda hard implants is less than fun and quite uncomfortable.  Don't try to sleep on your side. It just won't work.
2. Trying to close windows kinda hurts.  You know those windows that you pull down and then latch at the top?  I can get them to go all the way down, but then when I really need to slam down on them to make them stick, that part hurts. And it may not be so much a hurt thing, but the way my muscle moves for that action is just very, very unpleasant.

So there are my first phase of lessons learned with my new boobies. I am sure I will have more to add as my life goes on.

My exercising has been going slowly but surely. Running has been a bit of a challenge so I try to break it up with gym time. I haven't started lifting weights yet because that thought just paralyzes me with fear. Everyone says to start off light with 2 pound weights, but that still sounds scary. I have to be mentally ready before I am actually physically ready.

I also can't believe I've got to that point where I complain about working out. Wasn't it just posts ago where I was complaining about NOT working out?! Someone on the Inspire website that I frequent made quite a motivational statement. She said she just did not feel like working out but then "made a deal with myself to do it anyway, and carry the strength for another cancer patient who couldn't...it kept me going." I found that statement to be so motivational and I will keep that with me for those moments when I just don't feel like working out.

So with that... I'm off for a run!

- J.

Every Day I'm Shufflin'

It's the post you've ALL been waiting for... I've started running again! YAY! Praise Jesus! It feels so awesome to be running again. I haven't exercised since February and it's definitely much needed.

I did my first run on Saturday with Kevin. I wanted to run with someone because I had no idea what to expect. I was so nervous that my bra would not hold up, or that I would feel terrible. None of that really happened. I started running... or... more like shuffling along. Hey! It's been awhile, give a girl a break over here! It wasn't too bad. I had to walk a bit, but nothing horrible. I did about 2 1/2 miles of shuffling / jogging (but mostly shuffling).

On one of my breather walks I noticed that my chest felt pretty tight, almost like it was just expanded. Also, my chest felt a bit heavy. I don't know if it was in my mind, but it all felt strange and new. I wonder if it's because of the new placement of my pectoral muscle. Gross!

Thankfully, I haven't felt any tightness or heaviness on my Sunday or Monday runs. I'm still shuffling and jogging along slowly, but it feels so good to just be moving again. I get a little bit of pain in my armpits, but that's to be expected. Otherwise, I feel muscle pain every where I am suppose to when starting up running again. It feels awesome!

- J.

I'm Trapped in a Glass Case of Emotions!

Today was THE day. The day I finally got to wear a normal bra again. I thought the day would be a lot more epic than it was, but I still am very happy with how I felt in a normal bra. Although, I am constantly afraid that I will somehow do damage to the implants. I am worried that the fabric of the bra may be pressing too hard into the implants. I know that this fear is silly, but I can't help thinking that they may pop! What if the bra I am wearing isn't enough support? What if what if what if?!

And of course I am still counting down the days when I can start running again. But as the day of reckoning approaches I am becoming more nervous and less excited. What if I don't find the right sports bra? What if while I am running I am doing some sort of damage to my implants? What if running feels too weird and different now that I have these strange numb blobs on my chest?

It's crazy how my emotions shift back and forth between excitement that my life is going to get back to normal to what if I am getting back to my normal life too soon? Maybe I still need time to heal? AHHH!

I know what you are all thinking... it's just the fear of the unknown! It'll all be OK! Once I get back into my running routine it'll feel like I never left it. 

But first, I'll start with some walking.

- J.