I'm Trapped in a Glass Case of Emotions!

Today was THE day. The day I finally got to wear a normal bra again. I thought the day would be a lot more epic than it was, but I still am very happy with how I felt in a normal bra. Although, I am constantly afraid that I will somehow do damage to the implants. I am worried that the fabric of the bra may be pressing too hard into the implants. I know that this fear is silly, but I can't help thinking that they may pop! What if the bra I am wearing isn't enough support? What if what if what if?!

And of course I am still counting down the days when I can start running again. But as the day of reckoning approaches I am becoming more nervous and less excited. What if I don't find the right sports bra? What if while I am running I am doing some sort of damage to my implants? What if running feels too weird and different now that I have these strange numb blobs on my chest?

It's crazy how my emotions shift back and forth between excitement that my life is going to get back to normal to what if I am getting back to my normal life too soon? Maybe I still need time to heal? AHHH!

I know what you are all thinking... it's just the fear of the unknown! It'll all be OK! Once I get back into my running routine it'll feel like I never left it. 

But first, I'll start with some walking.

- J.

One Week

My surgery is in exactly one week!  I can't believe it.  I'm so scared and nervous but also ready for this all to be over with and done.  I think I am the most nervous about the surgery part of it.  And that part is going to be a breeze since I'll be sleeping through the whole thing!  I think it's just the idea of what will be happening during the surgery that is freaking me out the most.

In exactly one week, I will be in the hospital bed, all hopped up on pain meds, with my temporary expanders all in place.  I will hopefully have no more cancer inside me and be considered cancer free right off the bat.  Hopefully the cancer is contained, is indeed DCIS and the surgery is all I need.  Hopefully no radiation or chemo will be needed.  Even if it is needed, I'm ready for that too.  I'm ready for anything!  Bring it!

- J.