I so desperately need a "how to be a cancer survivor" booklet, pamphlet, brochure, whatever!
When I was diagnosed there was so much information about breast cancer: what is currently happening in my body, what to expect during and after surgery, how the recovery process will go, the possible side effects, how to exercise during physical therapy, etc etc. I was overwhelmed at times, but also thankful for this wealth of information. I had no problem making the decisions I needed to for my health and I felt confident in the path I was choosing.
I am having a much harder time settling in to my proud cancer-free status. I feel as if cancer has completely robbed me of the normal, carefree life I used to lead. I felt pretty good after my exchange surgery. I felt strong and proud in my cancer survivor role. But my strength and pride seem to be crumbling each day as I just try to return to my normal life. I don't know why this is hitting me all of the sudden right now. It's been over a year now since I've been declared cancer free.
My allergies are killing me this spring. It's causing me some dizziness, light headedness, and an all around feeling of not being able to concentrate. This hit me hard during the weekend and I started to panic. Even this morning on my way to work I had to struggle with myself to not get off the train and just head back home. I just don't feel right and it's because of my damn allergies. I know this, but I feel like I am hyper aware of how much I am not in control of what is happening in my body and that scares me at times.
I discussed with c.d. about going to talk to someone. I feel guilty though. What do I have to complain about really? I didn't have to go through chemo or radiation. I am not on any medication. I am cancer free... so what is my problem?
Any survivors out there who can recommend how my transition into survivorship can go more smoothly? I'll try anything!
- J.
Oh... You are NOT alone..... I call this "flying without a net" and it is a very difficult transition to make. I'm six years out and I just had my oncology follow up last week. I'm freaked out a bit.... no reliable method of screening so the only thing that was done? A physical exam. No blood, no imaging tests.
ReplyDeleteI will try to find some of the blogs that have been written about this... there are an abundance of them...
Just knowing you aren't alone in your feelings may help a little...
LOVE and hugs,
AnneMarie
Knowing I am not alone does help a lot, thank you so much AnneMarie. I just never expected this emotion, so it caught me a little by surprise. It's good to be able to pinpoint my feelings and to look for others who feel the same way. Love and hugs to you too!
DeleteWe actually talk about this a fair deal at our site, so you are welcome to stop by if you like. Personally I found writing it out helped big-time, and finding a community that gets it is HUGE. Going online is great for that. But talking with someone might also be a really good idea. You have between through a scary & life-rattling experience. Period. Your feelings are as valid as anyone else's regardless of how much treatment we've had. I am sorry you have been feeling unwell - but glad you wrote this post. Speaking out is a good step to figuring out this 'new normal'. ~Catherine
ReplyDeleteAlso, check out Twitter's #bcsm hash tag too - amazing women!
DeleteCatherine - Thank you. Writing my feelings out definitely helps a lot, and knowing that I am not alone in my worries helps too. I wish none of us had to ever feel this way, but we do, and we will make it through! :) I check out the #bcsm hash tag on Monday's... I am more of a lurker but it's nice to read everyone's thoughts and comments. - Jessi
DeleteI wish you would have come to OMG2013 Young Adult Cancer Survivor Summit in Las Vegas this past weekend. It was such an enlightening experience. If you can attend next year, you really should. www.stupidcancer.org is doing a one day in NYC in September. It was amazing.
ReplyDeleteOohh, thanks for the heads up! I am definitely going to find out more information about the one in NYC since I am so close. I had no idea about this. Thank you Nancebeth! :) - Jessi
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