Laughter Really IS the Best Medicine

It's that time of the year again. My surgervercary is approaching. It's been two years since my double mastectomy and the start of my life being cancer free again. It's a good feeling!

Just a couple of days ago I began an email correspondence with a friend's sister who is scheduled for a double mastectomy next week. She is going the same route as I did, expanders, then silicone gel implants and she is feeling all the emotions I did exactly two years ago. Her family and friends are incredibly supportive and it sounds like she has a great support system.

I tried giving her as many "tips" as I possibly could so she would feel prepared for what to expect when she is at home recovering. As I was listing all the tips, I couldn't help but laugh as I remembered:

• Kevin wrapping me in plastic wrap so I could shower
• Me dropping my food between car seats and not being able to retrieve it with my T-Rex arms as Meg drove me to a doctors appointment 
• Trying to build origami creatures with my nieces and nephew and then abruptly giving up when we found out we had to use glue
  
• And possibly my favorite moment - going to Supercuts with c.d. and receiving this master piece. I remember laughing so hard that it HURT. Literally. My chest was so sore afterwards but it was much needed.

Luckily I have family and friends who, when shit gets tough, make me laugh. Of course, I'll always remember what I went through in 2012. The pain, anxiety, medications, trauma, just wanting to exercise, the frustration, all of it. But I also remember the good parts of my recovery, the time spent with my family, the jokes about my drains, movie nights down in the basement, all the laughing, and oh so much more.

- J.

PS Speaking of wrapping one's self in plastic wrap, I was just currently tipped off to this awesome product that is used for showering after surgery. It's the one thing I look back at and wish I had. If you are interested in other helpful aides check out the awesome CureDiva website.

I've got Friends in all the Right Places

It's been 2 years ago today that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And yes, I still do remember it all crystal clear. As I mentioned in my one year cancerversary post and throughout many of my other blog posts, my family and friends were (and still remain) such an integral part of my recovery process. They give me a reason to keep going, keep fighting, keep laughing, and keep surviving. You all have been my everything.

I also have another important group of people that continue to help me through my recovery process and those are my social media friends. The many wonderful, amazing people I've met from blogging, Twitter (#bcsm), Facebook, and Instagram have been such a supportive, understanding, and strong group of people.

I remember someone asking me, "Why do you blog?" My immediate answer was that it felt good to vent, to write about what I was going through, it's so theraputic. I also wanted to keep my family and friends up to date on all my goings ons. (I loved that I didn't have to repeat the same story over and over again). An unexpected gift I received from this blog? An amazing online support group. A group of people who knew EXACTLY what I was going through, never laughed at any question I had, never scoffed at my concerns, and never ever dismissed my fears as being silly.

My biggest online support group comes in the form of a private Facebook group created by another young breast cancer survivor. It is a safe place where people of all ages and all cancer types ask for advice, support, or just a place to vent. I was lucky enough to be part of it from the very beginning. I've watched it grow and I help participate in the amazing support that continues to flourish from within it. It was so important for me to find this group and be a part of it because there are so many other young breast cancer survivors in it. I would have never met these young, strong, dedicated ladies any other way.

This passionate group also created a video called, "More Than Pink." This video contains personal images from cancer survivors, showing the REAL side of cancer. The video is to remind everyone that cancer is more than just one color and more than just one month. I am proud to be part of a group where such empowerment emanates.



Thank you to everyone, in all aspects of my life, who has stuck with me for the past two years. It's been a rough and wild journey and I look forward to what the future holds!

- J.

Happy 2014!

Happy 2014 everyone! I hope it's off to a good start.

2013 Top 5 Photos from Instagram: 

Snow, Cancer Survivor, Marriage,

Kevin & Music, Friends

What can I say about 2013? It was a pretty damn good year. Compared to 2012, 2013 was like a daily dose of happiness, sunshine, and kittens. All day. Every day. Sure, 2013, you were pretty shitty sometimes, but none of us are perfect. At least you didn't come with the news of cancer, or double mastectomies. You just came with the news of ovary scares, anxiety, panic attacks, and leftover pain. Nothing I can't handle these days.

I'm excited where 2014 may take me. I'm not going to make any new year's resolutions (I never do), I just like to come up with some things I'd like to do in the New Year, and try my best to make them happen. No promises and no guilt! For the New Year, I'd like to be a bit healthier, and eat a bit better. I've tried, but it's hard. It's always hard. I love food. I love food so so much. Damn you dairy, damn you cheese.

And in regards to my health, I'd just like to be back down to the weight I was before surgery. I've been having such trouble losing the 10 or so pounds I've gained since surgery. I think I need to stop blaming the extra weight on my foobs. I'm pretty sure they don't weigh 5 pounds each, but it was a good try. I still run (or bike) at least 4 times a week, so it must be what I'm eating. Dammit! The holidays are over, so it's time for me to get back on the wagon and give it the old college try. Wish me luck!

Hello 2014! It's nice to see you. Please be kind to me, my friends, and my family.

- J.

2's my favorite 1

I know you are all wondering if I really did it. You are all thinking to yourself, hey, I wonder if J really did get married this past October. She said she would, but she never confirmed via blog post, so maybe she pulled a runaway bride.

Well, sorry to disappoint but I did NOT pull a runaway bride. On October 12th I got married. Kevin and I had a beautiful, "let's get this done," 6 minute outdoor ceremony. We declared our undying love and dedication to each other surrounded by our family and friends, and it was everything I imagined it to be.

And then we partied. We celebrated with all our loved ones and it was just so amazing and special. I think I told every person who I came in contact with that I loved them, and you all better believe that I meant it. If for some reason I missed you, just know that I LOVE YOU! I think I may have the biggest supportive group of family and friends in the world (OK, not counting you Bat Kid, your support group is pretty impressive too). And now Kevin and his family are part of mine, and I am one lucky girl.

I've read multiple posts over the past months about husbands and boyfriends leaving their loved ones behind as they go through the most difficult battle of their life, cancer. When I tell Kevin that he is something special, he claims that any man would stick by his woman's side during her toughest times, but that's sadly not true. Even before our wedding vows, even before we said in front of everyone, "through sickness and health," I knew that he could step up to the plate. I just want every woman who has been let down by her man before know that there are good ones out there. There are dedicated, strong men, who will stick by your side and take care of you when you need them the most. I am lucky to know many of them. My family is full of them! My dad never left my mom's side, and Kevin will never leave mine.

Speaking of my mom, she would have loved Kevin. I know it. And I know she would have loved my wedding. I wore her wedding dress and I felt like a princess in it. A bad ass, cancer kicking princess to be exact! Just like my momma.

Thank you to everyone who came to my wedding. Thank you to all my friends and family. Thank you to Kevin for being all that I could ask for (and even a little more). Thank you to everyone who reads this blog. You all keep me sane, and I am sure I will continue to need your support as the years fly by.

- J.

Life's a Game Played by Everyone, and Love is the Prize

While in Michigan for a friend's wedding, I received some pretty awesome news.

I had made up my mind, psyched myself up, that no matter what the results of my CA-125 blood test results turn out to be, it doesn't mean I have ovarian cancer. Either our little birth control diagnostic test will have worked, or the test results will still be high.  If the results are still high, we'll just have to do some more testing. No big deal. Just a new adventure for me. This number was not going to be the final be all, say all, of an ovarian cancer diagnosis.

When my cell phone rang I recognized the number immediately. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. The usual nurse I speak to, Pia, was on the other end. She started the call off with, "I just wanted to call you with some good news!" I think I was holding my breath because I exhaled a great sigh of relief. She told me that my CA-125 count had fallen down to the normal range! I told her how happy and excited I was to hear this news. She said my doctor may want me to take another test in a couple of months, but he didn't specify. He just wanted her to call me immediately. She then wished me a happy upcoming wedding day (he had written down the day in my chart) and we hung up.

Thank god this test was a success! Taking the birth control was worth it! Even though I bled for an entire month, was a bloated, moody mess - it was all worth it! Of course I stopped the birth control immediately after the one month was up. Being on it was such a nightmare. Ugh! But it helped me pass my test, and that's all that matters.


Now I can focus on an entirely different, new path in my life. Marriage! On October 12th, I am getting married and not the tiniest inkling of health concerns will be on my mind. I will start my married life with a clean bill of health, marrying my man who loves me for who I am - fake boobs, scars, and all the rest.

- J.

Vacation and Birth Control

It's been awhile my loyal blog readers and I apologize. You'll forgive me though when you hear what I've been up to. I was on a month long vacation. A real vacation! Not a cancer related one. My vacation consisted of relaxing, the Yuengling brewery, the PA Grand Canyon (yes that exists), wedding planning, and a road trip down to Disney for quite the magical time.

Of course, sprinkled within all these fun activities were a couple of doctor appointments. My first one was my yearly check up with my breast surgeon. She is still very pleased with how everything looks and she said everything felt fine. We discussed future plans and she was a little concerned to hear about my high CA-125 test results.

Ah, yes, the CA-125... I took the second blood test as prescribed by my OBGYN. I had an appointment with him on July 30th. The second test came back higher than the first. Ugh. My first score was a 47 and the second 53. He is concerned because the score went up but he is still convinced it is my endometriosis because my ultrasound came back clean (woo). He wants to do a diagnostic test on me. He wants me to take birth control, take the blood test again, and hope that the test results are lower. The theory is that the birth control will calm everything down.

Now, if you know me I've ademently spoken out against taken birth control. I didn't want a single extra ounce of estrogen in this delicate body of mine. Even when OBGYN after OBGYN recommended birth control for my horrible cramps I always declined. Did they even read the family history section on my chart? I stand by my teenage self and still believe that I made the right decision all these years. But this time things are different. I now need to worry about my ovaries. I no longer have breasts, and ovaries react differently to birth control, so I agreed to take it for diagnostic purposes only. It is also the lowest dose of estrogen and only for a short time.

Well, I don't know how you ladies do it! I started my first pill on the first day of my period as prescribed by my doctor (which was when I was in Disney, heh). Now it's been two weeks and my period hasn't stopped! Ack!! It's much lighter some days but is always there. I also have awful cramps and bloating like crazy. If just a low dose of estrogen does this to me I simply can't! My body is rebelling against me and I don't blame it, I am messing with its carefully crafted hormonal balance. I called my doctor on Friday to make sure these side effects were normal. He said yes and it usually takes three months for your body to become accustomed to it. I told him no way, I don't have three months, I've got an October wedding to plan! I agreed to finish the pack, take the blood test, and hope that it was indeed my endometriosis causing the high results, otherwise we have to find a new diagnostic plan.

Sigh, the trials and tribulations of being a woman.

- J.

Life is a Test and I get Bad Marks

I always did OK in school. My grades were pretty average... A's, B's, C's, whatever. I tried really hard to do well, but sometimes even at my best, I just couldn't get that A. (Or break 1000 in the SATs, but that's another story). Then there are the students who really don't have to study hard or even do homework to get that damn elusive A. I feel like that student in the real life world of my health. Only here, you don't want high marks.

Let me explain, remember when I went for blood work and an ultrasound? Well, I received a call from the doctor's office last month telling me that he wants me to take the CA-125 test over again because, "he thinks it was a false reading." So I cautiously ask, "does that mean the results are high?" The medical assistant responds with, "yes, but the doctor thinks it was a false reading." Ok. I got that. How confident is he with that assessment? I guess we'll see. I am going for blood work this month, so he'll have something to compare the first test to. High marks. Not for the win this time around.

So I did lots of research on the CA-125 via Dr. Google. I know you are surprised by this. I also asked many knowledgeable woman who have first hand experience with the test, and I've come to the conclusion that serial CA-125 tests will be more accurate. Apparently the tests can come back high in pre-menopausal women or just from being a runner. So having a chart of all the tests will be more accurate. My dad forwarded me this recent interesting study done, entitled, "Refining Estimates of Risk for Breast and Ovarian Cancer in BRCA1 and BRCA2 Carriers." I like that low 16% risk I have for Ovarian Cancer, I just hope for once my body doesn't feel like being an overachiever and tries to stick me in that 16%!

I have an appointment with my surgical OBGYN at the end of this month and I will certainly have more to report. For now, can't I just fail at one of life's damn health tests?

- J.