Life's a Game Played by Everyone, and Love is the Prize

While in Michigan for a friend's wedding, I received some pretty awesome news.

I had made up my mind, psyched myself up, that no matter what the results of my CA-125 blood test results turn out to be, it doesn't mean I have ovarian cancer. Either our little birth control diagnostic test will have worked, or the test results will still be high.  If the results are still high, we'll just have to do some more testing. No big deal. Just a new adventure for me. This number was not going to be the final be all, say all, of an ovarian cancer diagnosis.

When my cell phone rang I recognized the number immediately. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. The usual nurse I speak to, Pia, was on the other end. She started the call off with, "I just wanted to call you with some good news!" I think I was holding my breath because I exhaled a great sigh of relief. She told me that my CA-125 count had fallen down to the normal range! I told her how happy and excited I was to hear this news. She said my doctor may want me to take another test in a couple of months, but he didn't specify. He just wanted her to call me immediately. She then wished me a happy upcoming wedding day (he had written down the day in my chart) and we hung up.

Thank god this test was a success! Taking the birth control was worth it! Even though I bled for an entire month, was a bloated, moody mess - it was all worth it! Of course I stopped the birth control immediately after the one month was up. Being on it was such a nightmare. Ugh! But it helped me pass my test, and that's all that matters.


Now I can focus on an entirely different, new path in my life. Marriage! On October 12th, I am getting married and not the tiniest inkling of health concerns will be on my mind. I will start my married life with a clean bill of health, marrying my man who loves me for who I am - fake boobs, scars, and all the rest.

- J.

Life is a Test and I get Bad Marks

I always did OK in school. My grades were pretty average... A's, B's, C's, whatever. I tried really hard to do well, but sometimes even at my best, I just couldn't get that A. (Or break 1000 in the SATs, but that's another story). Then there are the students who really don't have to study hard or even do homework to get that damn elusive A. I feel like that student in the real life world of my health. Only here, you don't want high marks.

Let me explain, remember when I went for blood work and an ultrasound? Well, I received a call from the doctor's office last month telling me that he wants me to take the CA-125 test over again because, "he thinks it was a false reading." So I cautiously ask, "does that mean the results are high?" The medical assistant responds with, "yes, but the doctor thinks it was a false reading." Ok. I got that. How confident is he with that assessment? I guess we'll see. I am going for blood work this month, so he'll have something to compare the first test to. High marks. Not for the win this time around.

So I did lots of research on the CA-125 via Dr. Google. I know you are surprised by this. I also asked many knowledgeable woman who have first hand experience with the test, and I've come to the conclusion that serial CA-125 tests will be more accurate. Apparently the tests can come back high in pre-menopausal women or just from being a runner. So having a chart of all the tests will be more accurate. My dad forwarded me this recent interesting study done, entitled, "Refining Estimates of Risk for Breast and Ovarian Cancer in BRCA1 and BRCA2 Carriers." I like that low 16% risk I have for Ovarian Cancer, I just hope for once my body doesn't feel like being an overachiever and tries to stick me in that 16%!

I have an appointment with my surgical OBGYN at the end of this month and I will certainly have more to report. For now, can't I just fail at one of life's damn health tests?

- J.

Reporting Back

My new OBGYN was very nice and my appointment went rather smoothly. It was an intense appointment though and he gave me a lot to think about.  He seems very concerned about my ovaries. He wants to be proactive with them and he gave me three different options to ponder. None of them really appeal to me but I will do more research and acquire more details.

• The first option is the least invasive. He wants me to start birth control pills. Now this seems like a bad idea because why would I want to add more estrogen in my body? It seems counter productive. Especially since Dr. Blackwood wanted me to be very aware of my soy consumption. And that's just estrogen in soy! He said he would put me on a low low dose of estrogen. About 10mg. I have read that women who take birth control for 5+ years lower their risk of ovarian cancer, but what if I have rogue breast cancer cells floating through my body?! I certainly don't want to feed them estrogen!
• The second option is only based on theory. I'm sorry, I love research, but I am not doing something to my body based on theory alone. That theory is that ovarian cancer does not actually start in the ovary. Some are saying that the cancer starts on the little phalanges at the end of Fallopian tubes. It then presses up against the ovary and the tumor grows in to it. Some women are having just their Fallopian tubes removed.
• The third option is removing both the ovaries and the Fallopian tubes.

Now the last two options would require that I freeze eggs or embryos and obviously consult with an IVF clinic. At this moment in time those two options seem just a bit extreme to me.

And to be honest this whole ovaries thing angers me. I'm 30! I want to have kids, but not yet. I hate that I feel pressured to have kids because my ovaries may be little ticking time bombs. I have stuff I need to do. I want to be financially stable. I don't want to rush anything just because something may or may not happen. As pointed out to me. When my mom and aunt Jeanne had their ovaries removed there was no sign of cancer, so that leaves me hopeful.

This whole little "but this isn't my plan" rant makes me think of a quote by Joseph Campbell I saw posted on a blog, "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

For now I am waiting for test results to come back. I also need to get an ultrasound done and a couple more tests. I will see him again in six months and by then I should hopefully be well versed in ovaries and ovarian cancer.

- J.