Another Cancerversary Down!

Guess what everyone?! It's my 3 year cancerversary!! That's right, 3 years since I was diagnosed and I'm still going strong.

Actually, this day almost passed me by without any notice. I've been busy. Changes are coming as I close up my last week of work and begin a new job on January 20th. I'll never forget my old job though, my coworkers were tremendous as I went through my whole ordeal. I was lucky to be where I was in my life at that moment I was diagnosed. Does that even make sense? But now it's on to bigger and better things!

I still have my worries, my health concerns. My OBGYN is keeping a close eye on my high (but stable) CA-125. A little wrench was thrown into the mix when he told me he saw a cyst on one of my ovaries after an ultrasound in October. I'm going back this month for another CA-125 and ultrasound to check up on everything.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit I am a bit scared. I try to fool myself into thinking that I don't care, that everything is fine, and how unfair it would be if things got any worse than the breat cancer. It would be unfair! But in reality it could happen. Anything can happen. Anything does happen! But thank god I have amazingly capable doctors in my corner. Doctors I trust. They monitor me closely and I trust that if anything should arise they'd be just as capable to take care of me.

It's always been a big scary world out there, but I'm happy to say, that today, I am 3 years cancer free!

- J.

Life's a Game Played by Everyone, and Love is the Prize

While in Michigan for a friend's wedding, I received some pretty awesome news.

I had made up my mind, psyched myself up, that no matter what the results of my CA-125 blood test results turn out to be, it doesn't mean I have ovarian cancer. Either our little birth control diagnostic test will have worked, or the test results will still be high.  If the results are still high, we'll just have to do some more testing. No big deal. Just a new adventure for me. This number was not going to be the final be all, say all, of an ovarian cancer diagnosis.

When my cell phone rang I recognized the number immediately. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. The usual nurse I speak to, Pia, was on the other end. She started the call off with, "I just wanted to call you with some good news!" I think I was holding my breath because I exhaled a great sigh of relief. She told me that my CA-125 count had fallen down to the normal range! I told her how happy and excited I was to hear this news. She said my doctor may want me to take another test in a couple of months, but he didn't specify. He just wanted her to call me immediately. She then wished me a happy upcoming wedding day (he had written down the day in my chart) and we hung up.

Thank god this test was a success! Taking the birth control was worth it! Even though I bled for an entire month, was a bloated, moody mess - it was all worth it! Of course I stopped the birth control immediately after the one month was up. Being on it was such a nightmare. Ugh! But it helped me pass my test, and that's all that matters.


Now I can focus on an entirely different, new path in my life. Marriage! On October 12th, I am getting married and not the tiniest inkling of health concerns will be on my mind. I will start my married life with a clean bill of health, marrying my man who loves me for who I am - fake boobs, scars, and all the rest.

- J.

Vacation and Birth Control

It's been awhile my loyal blog readers and I apologize. You'll forgive me though when you hear what I've been up to. I was on a month long vacation. A real vacation! Not a cancer related one. My vacation consisted of relaxing, the Yuengling brewery, the PA Grand Canyon (yes that exists), wedding planning, and a road trip down to Disney for quite the magical time.

Of course, sprinkled within all these fun activities were a couple of doctor appointments. My first one was my yearly check up with my breast surgeon. She is still very pleased with how everything looks and she said everything felt fine. We discussed future plans and she was a little concerned to hear about my high CA-125 test results.

Ah, yes, the CA-125... I took the second blood test as prescribed by my OBGYN. I had an appointment with him on July 30th. The second test came back higher than the first. Ugh. My first score was a 47 and the second 53. He is concerned because the score went up but he is still convinced it is my endometriosis because my ultrasound came back clean (woo). He wants to do a diagnostic test on me. He wants me to take birth control, take the blood test again, and hope that the test results are lower. The theory is that the birth control will calm everything down.

Now, if you know me I've ademently spoken out against taken birth control. I didn't want a single extra ounce of estrogen in this delicate body of mine. Even when OBGYN after OBGYN recommended birth control for my horrible cramps I always declined. Did they even read the family history section on my chart? I stand by my teenage self and still believe that I made the right decision all these years. But this time things are different. I now need to worry about my ovaries. I no longer have breasts, and ovaries react differently to birth control, so I agreed to take it for diagnostic purposes only. It is also the lowest dose of estrogen and only for a short time.

Well, I don't know how you ladies do it! I started my first pill on the first day of my period as prescribed by my doctor (which was when I was in Disney, heh). Now it's been two weeks and my period hasn't stopped! Ack!! It's much lighter some days but is always there. I also have awful cramps and bloating like crazy. If just a low dose of estrogen does this to me I simply can't! My body is rebelling against me and I don't blame it, I am messing with its carefully crafted hormonal balance. I called my doctor on Friday to make sure these side effects were normal. He said yes and it usually takes three months for your body to become accustomed to it. I told him no way, I don't have three months, I've got an October wedding to plan! I agreed to finish the pack, take the blood test, and hope that it was indeed my endometriosis causing the high results, otherwise we have to find a new diagnostic plan.

Sigh, the trials and tribulations of being a woman.

- J.

Something You Should Never Say to a Cancer Survivor

This past Friday I had a blood work appointment and an ultrasound appointment. My OB/GYN wanted to check my CA 125 (cancer antigen 125, which is a tumor marker for ovarian cancer) and my ovaries.

The blood work appointment went well. The woman who took my blood was so nice. She used a butterfly needle on me and it was painless! (Except for that damn tourniquet). I didn't even feel her stick me. Piece of cake!

Then I headed off to my ultrasound appointment. Walking into the ambulatory waiting room, filling out all the paperwork, and waiting for my name to be called was just so nerve wracking! I knew nothing would be revealed to me by the ultrasound tech, but I was so nervous just being there. Also, I had to have a bladder full of liquid for the first half of the ultrasound so I felt like I was going to EXPLODE! Finally my name was called and I followed the technician to a back room.

She performed the first part of the ultrasound and I think her goal was to make me pee my pants. It was cool though to look at the monitor and see my black blob of a bladder moving around on the screen as she took pics of my ovaries. I then had to drain my bladder for the next part of the ultrasound which was a transvaginal ultrasound. That means the technician bounces sound waves off of my inner parts to see what's going on with all my lady parts. It was all rather easy peasy and over in 15 minutes.

The technician waited for me to change so she could escort me down the maze like hallway. As I met up with her she asked me, while gripping my chart in her hands to her chest, "Did you bring anyone with you today?" BOOM! Time stands still. "Uh, no..." I stammer out. Should I have? Is something wrong? Why would she ask that question unless something is wrong? "OK!" She says, "Then you can go out this back entrance."

Oh. OH! Ooohhhhh! She was just showing me an alternative route. Why didn't she just say so? The last time I heard that phrase it was followed by "the biopsy came back positive for cancer." And at that time I didn't bring anyone with me because I figured I didn't need to. Just like for the ultrasound, I felt like I didn't need to bring anyone. So thank goodness no surprises were thrown my way on Friday. There has GOT to be a better way to say, "would you like to go back to the waiting area to exit, or would you like to exit through the super secret back way?"

- J.

"Let's get this show on the road!" said my Ovaries

Nothing says "Time to wake up!!" like an early morning chat about one's ovaries and future babies!!

I finally got around to calling Dr. Blackwood the other day about my ONGYN's recommendation to do at least a low estrogen birth control pill. Remember THIS post from back in November? Yeah, I'm a procrastinator, don't even start. Dr. Blackwood called me back last night and left me a voicemail. She basically said she doesn't have the answer I am looking for. She said the birth control would be good for my ovaries, but in regards to the extra hormones there's no real concrete evidence that it helps or hurts. Things get especially dicey with my BRCA2 positive gene. She recommended that I call my Onc.

To be honest I don't know why I even bothered calling when I had already (sorta) made up my mind. I guess I was looking for reassurance. I am pretty sure I am going to do none of the recommendations from my OBGYN and just hope for the best. I think he will be a bit disappointed to hear that because he wants me to be proactive and I understand. It's just that two of the options are so extreme and the least aggressive option...well, I've never, ever wanted to take birth control. I never felt comfortable knowing there would be extra hormones in my body. What if I was taking birth control during the time my invasive micropapillary carcinoma was growing inside me? Would it still have been just 1mm? Would my lymph nodes still have been clear? I don't know the answers but I feel confident in my no birth control policy. I've been to many different OBGYN's and all but one tried to push the pill on me. I'm proud that I stood my ground!

But has the game changed now? I no longer have my breasts. It's ovary time! Do I now focus primarily on my ovaries? I am just so scared to put any bit of extra estrogen in my body. It just doesn't feel right. And what if I start taking the birth control in May? What if I want to have a baby in a year or so? It seems pointless to go on it for a year! I don't know...

And don't get me started about babies. Thanks to my health problems I feel pressured to have babies NOW so I can get everything down there removed before it decides to turn against me. It's all so overwhelming when I think about it. Kevin said all will be ok. This is the hand I was dealt and we will do what we have to do. And really, is one ever completely "ready" for children? At 30 I sure as hell don't feel ready but my ovaries are definitely ready to get this show on the road!!

- J.

PS Dr. Blackwood's office just called again. Ha. I am getting my pathology report faxed over to me so I can go through it with a fine toothed comb. I need to be sure I am making the best decision for my health. Oofta. Someone tell me I am doing everything right!!

New Doctor Time!

It's been awhile my dear blog. I do miss posting here, but no posts means nothing crazy is happening and I totally prefer that. It's not you blog, it's me!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a new OBGYN recommended to me by my breast surgeon. She really wants to keep an eye on my ovaries. Keeping an eye on one's ovaries is difficult because it is very hard to diagnose ovarian cancer. But this new doctor is very specialized and I have the utmost confidence in him (though I haven't met him yet...). I know Dr. Blackwood wouldn't send me to just anyone.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. No, I'm not nervous because he will be my first male OBGYN (although that is strange to me). I'm nervous that he's going to find cancer.

Thanks to this whole breast cancer experience I am now that person who thinks every little pain is CANCER!! I can no longer hide behind the lame excuse of "I'm too young to get cancer." I get a headache? It's CANCER!! I get a stomach pain? It's CANCER!! My knee hurts after running? It's CANCER!! I know it's silly but I feel like that will be something that follows me around for awhile, if not forever. But it's ok, I've gotten used to it already.

So I am ready for this new doctor! I have all my reports in order and all my paperwork filled out. He is located in the same building as my plastic surgeon so I've got this! After my doctor appointment I am heading north for Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to a low key, relaxing vacation.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving holiday!

- J.

Check Up!

Last week I had my four month check up with Dr. Spiro. I was kind of nervous about this check up because I knew we would be discussing nipple reconstruction. I made up my mind that new nips are just not for me at this time but I thought maybe he would try to talk me into them.

He did no such thing. All of my nipple excuses I thought up were for naught. When he came in to the room he examined me first and said I was healing really really well. He said my skin was reacting nicely and that my scars looked great too. No fat grafting is needed! He then went on to explain how he does nipple reconstruction (since there are many different ways). What he would do is he would pull up some of my skin on my breast to form the nipple part. Then he would take a circular patch of skin from my lower abdomen to create the areola. He would cut a hole in the patch of skin so the nipple could peek through. This would be done under local anesthesia. The nipple would have to heal for about a month and then he'd tattoo the pigment to the newly reconstructed nip. All very very intriguing in my opinion, but I'm still not interested.

He told me whenever I was ready to do it I could make an appointment. And it can be done whenever! Weeks, months, years later. Or never. Whatever I decide. The nurse then took pictures of my progression and I was done! I walked out of the office with no next appointment scheduled. A first! Now it's just up to me and my body to keep up the good healing.

My next doctor appointment is with a new obgyn. Since I am BRCA2 positive I've got to keep my eyes on my ovaries. I'll probably get yearly ultrasounds and they'll then get removed after I am done having children. Let's keep the least amount of estrogen in my body! For now I am just looking forward to only regularly scheduled doctor appointments. No more surprises, ok body?

- J.