"Let's get this show on the road!" said my Ovaries

Nothing says "Time to wake up!!" like an early morning chat about one's ovaries and future babies!!

I finally got around to calling Dr. Blackwood the other day about my ONGYN's recommendation to do at least a low estrogen birth control pill. Remember THIS post from back in November? Yeah, I'm a procrastinator, don't even start. Dr. Blackwood called me back last night and left me a voicemail. She basically said she doesn't have the answer I am looking for. She said the birth control would be good for my ovaries, but in regards to the extra hormones there's no real concrete evidence that it helps or hurts. Things get especially dicey with my BRCA2 positive gene. She recommended that I call my Onc.

To be honest I don't know why I even bothered calling when I had already (sorta) made up my mind. I guess I was looking for reassurance. I am pretty sure I am going to do none of the recommendations from my OBGYN and just hope for the best. I think he will be a bit disappointed to hear that because he wants me to be proactive and I understand. It's just that two of the options are so extreme and the least aggressive option...well, I've never, ever wanted to take birth control. I never felt comfortable knowing there would be extra hormones in my body. What if I was taking birth control during the time my invasive micropapillary carcinoma was growing inside me? Would it still have been just 1mm? Would my lymph nodes still have been clear? I don't know the answers but I feel confident in my no birth control policy. I've been to many different OBGYN's and all but one tried to push the pill on me. I'm proud that I stood my ground!

But has the game changed now? I no longer have my breasts. It's ovary time! Do I now focus primarily on my ovaries? I am just so scared to put any bit of extra estrogen in my body. It just doesn't feel right. And what if I start taking the birth control in May? What if I want to have a baby in a year or so? It seems pointless to go on it for a year! I don't know...

And don't get me started about babies. Thanks to my health problems I feel pressured to have babies NOW so I can get everything down there removed before it decides to turn against me. It's all so overwhelming when I think about it. Kevin said all will be ok. This is the hand I was dealt and we will do what we have to do. And really, is one ever completely "ready" for children? At 30 I sure as hell don't feel ready but my ovaries are definitely ready to get this show on the road!!

- J.

PS Dr. Blackwood's office just called again. Ha. I am getting my pathology report faxed over to me so I can go through it with a fine toothed comb. I need to be sure I am making the best decision for my health. Oofta. Someone tell me I am doing everything right!!