Stupid Sexy Double Mastectomy!

It was brought to my attention a couple of days ago that apparently Facebook deems mastectomy pictures porn. A courageous woman who runs the Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer Facebook page posted pictures of herself after her double mastectomy. One image shows her standing in front of a mirror after she was unwrapped, drains in place, scared and deflated. One image is of her and her husband holding hands, her chest proudly on display as she receives support from a loved one. Another image portrays a strong, beautiful woman holding her own chest as she accepts her scars and the battle she won.

This series of photographs really hit me hard. These photos were my exact emotions as I went through my own ordeal. At first, I wasn't even able to look at myself for days. When I was first unwrapped by my plastic surgeon I didn't even look. I couldn't! Pre-surgery, I researched photos online on surgeons websites and I was horrified at what I saw. I felt dejected. I felt scared. When I arrived home from the hospital I had Kevin take pictures of my chest. I wanted that to be my first peek at them. It wasn't so bad! I was lucky enough to be inflated a significant amount so I was truly impressed by what I saw. I was then able to look down for myself and come to terms with my new chest.

The next emotion I experienced and needed so badly, was acceptance from my loved ones. Kevin was a superstar and took care of me from day one. He tended to my drains, he made sure my bandages were not wet, he made sure there were no infections, and he made sure I was comfortable at all times. But then he had to go back to work. Who was going to take care of me now? Who could possibly handle the tragic deformities on my chest? Then I found out I was being quite overdramatic (shocking, I know). I asked my sister and c.d. if they would be willing to help me out. I gave them a long speech about how they could say no and I would not be offended. I mean, I couldn't even look at myself for days, how would someone else be able to? Without a blink of an eye they said of course! I needed help to cover my drain holes so they wouldn't get infected. I needed help to put on my tight, painful bra. I needed help putting on deodorant (which other friends also helped in that area, thank god for that!). I had a whole army behind me and I was so grateful.

All this support lead me towards my final emotion which was being able to accept myself. If everyone else could accept me so easily, why couldn't I? Over time I was able to look in the mirror and not flinch at my own reflection. I can now look at my scars and my different looking breasts, not as deformities, but as battle wounds that will constantly remind me of the fighter I am. I can even joke about my new breasts (they have a great sense of humor).

Now we shall come full circle with this post. Wikipedia defines porn as, "the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual gratification." I am pretty sure these pictures were not posted to satisfy anyone's sexual gratification. I know she posted these pictures to inform everyone that breast cancer is not a pink ribbon, it is not sexy, and it is not a silent, shy disease. She posted these pictures to let her fellow survivors know they are not alone. Since my breast cancer diagnosis and double mastectomy I certainly do not plan on staying quiet and fading in to the background. I have changed both physically and emotionally because of what I had to endure. Facebook will not silence what this disease does to us. We all need support from everyone out there. How dare anyone try to stop that!

- J.

P.S. You can also find the Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer blog here. It's great!