I've got Friends in all the Right Places

It's been 2 years ago today that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And yes, I still do remember it all crystal clear. As I mentioned in my one year cancerversary post and throughout many of my other blog posts, my family and friends were (and still remain) such an integral part of my recovery process. They give me a reason to keep going, keep fighting, keep laughing, and keep surviving. You all have been my everything.

I also have another important group of people that continue to help me through my recovery process and those are my social media friends. The many wonderful, amazing people I've met from blogging, Twitter (#bcsm), Facebook, and Instagram have been such a supportive, understanding, and strong group of people.

I remember someone asking me, "Why do you blog?" My immediate answer was that it felt good to vent, to write about what I was going through, it's so theraputic. I also wanted to keep my family and friends up to date on all my goings ons. (I loved that I didn't have to repeat the same story over and over again). An unexpected gift I received from this blog? An amazing online support group. A group of people who knew EXACTLY what I was going through, never laughed at any question I had, never scoffed at my concerns, and never ever dismissed my fears as being silly.

My biggest online support group comes in the form of a private Facebook group created by another young breast cancer survivor. It is a safe place where people of all ages and all cancer types ask for advice, support, or just a place to vent. I was lucky enough to be part of it from the very beginning. I've watched it grow and I help participate in the amazing support that continues to flourish from within it. It was so important for me to find this group and be a part of it because there are so many other young breast cancer survivors in it. I would have never met these young, strong, dedicated ladies any other way.

This passionate group also created a video called, "More Than Pink." This video contains personal images from cancer survivors, showing the REAL side of cancer. The video is to remind everyone that cancer is more than just one color and more than just one month. I am proud to be part of a group where such empowerment emanates.



Thank you to everyone, in all aspects of my life, who has stuck with me for the past two years. It's been a rough and wild journey and I look forward to what the future holds!

- J.

Stupid Sexy Double Mastectomy!

It was brought to my attention a couple of days ago that apparently Facebook deems mastectomy pictures porn. A courageous woman who runs the Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer Facebook page posted pictures of herself after her double mastectomy. One image shows her standing in front of a mirror after she was unwrapped, drains in place, scared and deflated. One image is of her and her husband holding hands, her chest proudly on display as she receives support from a loved one. Another image portrays a strong, beautiful woman holding her own chest as she accepts her scars and the battle she won.

This series of photographs really hit me hard. These photos were my exact emotions as I went through my own ordeal. At first, I wasn't even able to look at myself for days. When I was first unwrapped by my plastic surgeon I didn't even look. I couldn't! Pre-surgery, I researched photos online on surgeons websites and I was horrified at what I saw. I felt dejected. I felt scared. When I arrived home from the hospital I had Kevin take pictures of my chest. I wanted that to be my first peek at them. It wasn't so bad! I was lucky enough to be inflated a significant amount so I was truly impressed by what I saw. I was then able to look down for myself and come to terms with my new chest.

The next emotion I experienced and needed so badly, was acceptance from my loved ones. Kevin was a superstar and took care of me from day one. He tended to my drains, he made sure my bandages were not wet, he made sure there were no infections, and he made sure I was comfortable at all times. But then he had to go back to work. Who was going to take care of me now? Who could possibly handle the tragic deformities on my chest? Then I found out I was being quite overdramatic (shocking, I know). I asked my sister and c.d. if they would be willing to help me out. I gave them a long speech about how they could say no and I would not be offended. I mean, I couldn't even look at myself for days, how would someone else be able to? Without a blink of an eye they said of course! I needed help to cover my drain holes so they wouldn't get infected. I needed help to put on my tight, painful bra. I needed help putting on deodorant (which other friends also helped in that area, thank god for that!). I had a whole army behind me and I was so grateful.

All this support lead me towards my final emotion which was being able to accept myself. If everyone else could accept me so easily, why couldn't I? Over time I was able to look in the mirror and not flinch at my own reflection. I can now look at my scars and my different looking breasts, not as deformities, but as battle wounds that will constantly remind me of the fighter I am. I can even joke about my new breasts (they have a great sense of humor).

Now we shall come full circle with this post. Wikipedia defines porn as, "the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual gratification." I am pretty sure these pictures were not posted to satisfy anyone's sexual gratification. I know she posted these pictures to inform everyone that breast cancer is not a pink ribbon, it is not sexy, and it is not a silent, shy disease. She posted these pictures to let her fellow survivors know they are not alone. Since my breast cancer diagnosis and double mastectomy I certainly do not plan on staying quiet and fading in to the background. I have changed both physically and emotionally because of what I had to endure. Facebook will not silence what this disease does to us. We all need support from everyone out there. How dare anyone try to stop that!

- J.

P.S. You can also find the Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer blog here. It's great!