My Implants Think Less of You

I had dinner last night with a friend of mine who I see sporadically throughout the year. She knows all about what I went through over the past year and it was a pleasant evening that included delicious beer and wings. As we were saying our goodbyes she went to give me a hug, hesitantly of course because I saw her a lot when I had my expanders and I always warned people to hug gently. So again, I mentioned that I'd prefer a gentle hug (as I do to everyone nowadays). She said, "Still? My stepmom is able to hug with no problems."

At first this offhanded comment didn't bother me at all. I just explained that I am still not comfortable with my implants and when someone hugs me too hard, or the wrong way, it hurts and feels awful. So, you know, hugs shouldn't feel awful, so I'd prefer a gentle one. Then on my way home I thought a bit more about it. Her stepmom had a breast augmentation not a double mastectomy! That's not quite the same. Her stepmom has the luxury of having breast tissue between her skin and the implant so she gets some cushioning. Me on the other hand? I have a sudo-hard implant hanging out just under my skin and muscle so I don't get any padding. It's not pleasant.

I've encountered a couple other people who just don't seem to understand what a double mastectomy really is, and that's fine. I didn't know what one really entailed until I had to get one myself. They cut off your boobs right? Then put implants in right? It's not that difficult right? They'll be just like new right? Well, not quite. I had one person think that my expanders were my final breasts! Oh my god! How awful would that be?! Those were the worst things ever and if I had to live with them forever like that?! I can't even. AH! Thinking about them again still gives me the shivers. Eek!

A double mastectomy with reconstruction is not easy. No one ever said it was going to be. I am sure a breast augmentation isn't all fun and games at first either, but I assume that once you have it and you are healed you feel pretty much like yourself again, with bigger boobs. Now, I know this post may sound a bit hypocritical since I've never had a boob job myself, but I'm just riffing here. I'm just making observations on people's perception as someone who has had a double mastectomy herself.

I just hope no one gets offended when I no longer hug you with the strength I used to. It's not that I don't love ya any more, it's just that my implants think less of you.

- J.